Jul 21, 2014

(Early) Thoughts on Motherhood

Today is my mom's birthday. Happy birthday mom! She's off galavanting around Montreal with my dad, probably eating their fair share of French food and looking at beautiful churches.

I'm not jealous or anything.

I realized this morning that this is the first birthday in long time...possibly ever...that I haven't spent with her. If you read this post on love, you'll know I have a pretty special relationship with my parents that I thank God for daily. My mom is my best friend. I remember being embarrassed for friends who felt that way when I was younger. Really, your mom is your best friend? Lame. But now I get it. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

{D.C. circa 2008}

It breaks my heart to know that she stood aside (but was probably praying fervently) all those years I distanced myself from her. I think about this little girl growing inside of me right now and wonder if there's anything I can do to prevent that from happening to me. In my mind, my mom did everything right. She was there for me every hour of every day; she truly cared about my life and put talking to me and being with me above all else. She let me know she was there for me during difficult times but never pushed me to talk. She prayed for me. It's a tough pill to swallow knowing that even if you do all those things, they don't guarantee a good or even pleasant relationship with your children.

Like I mentioned on Friday, Landon and I are watching Friday Night Lights and we're a little ways into season 2. During the first few episodes, the perfect mother/daughter relationship of Julie and Tami Taylor was no more. It was so painful to watch as Julie yelled hurtful things to her mom. I think it hurt more because I was there at one point and I hate thinking about how much I hurt my own mother.
{My mom is literally the biggest fan of those Christmas crackers that come with the paper crowns; Christmas 2012}

I'm no expert on motherhood or parenting...clearly. Our baby hasn't even been born yet, but I'm already wondering how I'll handle all of those situations that really define what kind of parent you are. I used to think my parents were the most overprotective ones in my circle of friends; now, I can see myself being even more protective than they were. I know I want to be a "good mom", whatever that means, in the long run. As much as I know it'll hurt, I think I'll take the yelling and harsh words from my daughter any day if it means having the type of relationship in the end that I have with my mom now.

Happy birthday, mom! Thank you for being the type of mom that you are -- a sincerely incredible one. I love you.

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