When Happiness Isn't a Given

*Taps the mic* Hi, is this thing on? Gosh it's been awhile. A few weeks ago, I couldn't think of a darn thing to write about. Maybe I had started this blog prematurely. Maybe I didn't have anything interesting to say. It was around this time when I started seeing everyone's #100DaysOfHappy posts on Instagram and I realized how hard it was for me to pinpoint something...anything...that made me happy.

That sounds way more depressing than I mean for it to sound. But a lot has been off for some time now and it seems like it's taking forever for me to find my place. I wrote about it a little bit a few posts back and unfortunately, not much has changed. I just feel like I'm in this funk that's impossible to shake off. I haven't listened to my own advice from that post for the past few weeks. Instead I've just been moping around, doing the bare minimum that needs to be done like grabbing some things from the grocery store or going to appointments. My brain has been unable to focus on something for more than 2 minutes at a time. It's honestly just been a really weird and hard time for me.

But these past few days I've been thinking about everything a little more and I realized something pretty significant: I wasn't made to be like this. Every single "blah" thought or feeling I have isn't who I am. It isn't who God made me to be. I'm meant to live a life full of love and joy and wonder. My husband and I are reading The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything right now and one of the main principles of Ignatian Spirituality is finding God in everything. He's by your side through it all...and this is something I've been quick to forget.

Just simply reminding myself that God is with me is giving me great comfort during this time. I don't know if I've struggled with a funk for so long before but I know it won't last forever. This is not my destiny; this is just a small speck of time in the grand scheme of things.

And there are about a million things that make me happy every single day; I just stopped acknowledging them. I couldn't be more grateful for such a perfect, caring husband or for two balls of fluff (cats) who put a smile on my face throughout the day. I have a family who loves me and prays for me more than I'll ever know. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and clothes on my body. I have my sense of smell and sight and taste that help me experience all of the wonder in the world.

There are more than enough reasons to be happy and it's absolutely ridiculous that I ever let myself think otherwise. So here's to a fresh new realization--it can only get better from here.